My baby girl commanded the living room! Dazzling in the color of blush, the Chanel gown clung to her petite figure, enough to give her an age-appropriate length; yet, comfortable enough to move about the evening mingling, hugging, and dancing with friends. Paige’s evening gown was sleeveless on the arms with a sweetheart neckline, showcasing layers of chiffon fabric that fell gracefully over her tiny frame. Her waistline was complimented with 25 Dahlia Waterlily’s, flown in from one of the top family-owned farms in Voorhout, Holland. Paige’s silver shoes peeked underneath showcasing over 75 embellished crystals, a bold and striking fashion choice for such a momentous occasion. But, that is Paige. One day she’d be dressed in Bohemian Chic attire with 3 ponytails held together by multi-colored rubber bands. The next week she’d be dressed in a red and black checkered all-in-one looking like somebody’s 1-on-1 table match. Her Piscean fashion choices dazzle the eye through flowy silhouettes, well-blended inches of extensions, or a head full of bouncy curls for the 3C girls. Engaging to the eye, but never too over-the-top. To complete the look, her curly ponytail was joined by a matching Chanel hair bow.
The photographer, dressed in all black, stood a few feet away from Paige clicking the camera’s shutter button as he made a slow circle. His assistant, another male that appeared to be around 18-19, stood behind recording footage on another handheld device. Family, friends, and neighbors who were present to share in Paige’s special day all stood in proximity. Smiles, sniffles, and happy tears filled the room as everyone gazed at Paige, amazed at how quickly time has passed and what felt like just yesterday I was walking through the doors with a newborn. Now, she’s blossomed into a teenager. Everyone had their cell phones whipped out to snap their own personal pics as Paige’s posture, stillness, and regal-like frame resembled a 1940s Coco Chanel modeling for Vogue international. A graceful, poised, blushing beauty before our eyes. Her eyes, big, brown, and round, told an untold story only close, loved ones were privy to.
My mama loves crafting and creating so she’s likely already brainstorming how many more pics she needs to create a 6-frame photo collage with a gigantic heart and angel wings in the middle. My sister, who self-appointed herself as the DJ, played music as everyone mingled. The likes of Anita Baker, Patricia Rushen, and Minnie Riperton sang through the 3-inch Bluetooth speaker box. The lyrics of Minnie’s, Memory Lane, resonated even more after learning of her loss to breast cancer at the tender age of 31.
Before heading to the limousine, I snapped a few selfies of Paige and I, showered her with affirmations and small kisses to the cheek. Paige made it to the age of 13 years old, that’s 68 years old in human years. To commemorate the special occasion, Paige was being showered with the best Homegoing Service any pup could ask for.
Today was the final day that my baby girl, Paige Nicole Jones, would be euthanized, and laid to rest.
~
Paige is a full bred, 10 lb. Shih Tzu with a silky texture and hair-coat in shades of browns and honey blonde. Born March 8th under the Pisces season, Paige is calm, imaginative, and a lover of her peace and quiet, on her favorite pillow, under the fan. Paige can be described as a friendly loner: giving greetings of warm smiles and tail wags to all visitors, then quietly returning to her snuggle spot. Her favorite hobbies are playing dress up, car rides, and long naps during the day. The aroma of bacon, texture of miniature marshmallows, and the challenge of chowing down big pieces of bread gets her little legs sliding through the kitchen floor and trotting laps around the living room in excitement.
In a matter of 2 days, Paige went from being a jolly teenager to an old lady under hospice care. She stopped eating, drinking, and appeared lethargic as she moved at the pace of a turtle crossing a dead-end street. Her cream-colored pillow was discolored with stains of throw-up on the corner and her dog bowl looked like she hadn’t touched an ounce of water or a kibble of food in hours.
During a potty break in the front yard, she ventured off down the sidewalk, gradually passing by houses she’s never passed by herself. I yelled her name a total of 3 times, but she kept walking, never turning around. After catching up to her distance, she glanced up at me with a puzzled look, confused on how she ventured so far away. Going up and down the same mini steps she used to hop, skip and leap over had become a daunting challenge. Simple things were no longer simple. We returned inside and to my surprise, she looked at the bacon as if I pulled it from the bottom of the garbage can, when just 2 days ago, she devoured it like a hungry hippo.
How fast time flies.
With less than 1 hour left before the local vet hospital closed, I rushed Paige in to be examined. They ran tests, conducted blood work and the results revealed symptoms of Chronic Renal Failure, also known as Chronic Kidney Disease. The doctor explained of the 2 kidneys dogs have, both of Paige’s kidneys produced high levels of creatinine, “a substance that appears in the blood as a result of muscle activity.” Creatinine is released through the kidney and her levels were functioning at a Stage 4, which is presented as a crisis. The doctor explained early detection is not always visible and could take months, even years, before diagnosed. She lastly explained dogs cannot survive without their kidneys and Paige’s condition had become too severe, no amount of medication could reverse the disease. She provided 2 options to either keep Paige home and watch her suffer or euthanize her and allow her to transition in peace.
Before I could even think to blink, traces of mascara and black eyeliner had rolled down my cheeks. The doctor, also a female, reached towards the counter for the box of tissue, placing 2 sheets in my hand. A 6-lb. Paige sat comfortably in the center of my lap. Her eyes glazed each side of the room, probably wondering where she was, who these women were, and why her mama was crying. The vet tech, also a female, must’ve felt the wave of emotions from the unfortunate news as she also dabbed the corners of her eyes. As someone who didn’t shed many tears, the thought of losing my baby girl, my favorite girl, was an emotion I wasn’t ready to revisit. Time was swiftly winding down for me to say my goodbyes and shower Paige with cuddles and puddles of love.
~
Being a pet Mommy for 13 years became more than dressing her up in matching Christmas outfits, giving treats and letting her run free in the backyard. A responsible pet Mommy is much like having an actual child with matching requirements of regular visits to the doctor, training, love, protection, and monthly visits to the beauty salon for a wash, blow dry and style. Timeout for Paige was equivalent to a child going to the corner when they get in trouble. Paige didn’t bark much, but when she was put in her cage, that was her way of asking, begging, pleading for a ‘get out of jail free’ card. She hated the cage, which made potty training that much easier. A win, win for us both.
After graduating with a dual degree, a Master’s in Business Administration & a Doctorate in Psychology, I was offered my dream job in the healthcare field with a 7-figure pay. Within a matter of weeks, my work life went from easy breezy to stress and destruction 50+ hours a week. Until I became accustomed to my new normal with a doggy daughter and new work demands, a friend referred me to Pets ‘N Paradise, a doggy day camp, grooming salon, and veterinary clinic all-in-one. As expected, Paige did not adjust easily. She wasn’t disruptive to other dogs and their possible germs, she didn’t bite or growl, she didn’t even like playing with toys, much less playing fetch with the other dogs. Paige showed up each morning, retreated to the nap area, and comfortably made her way to her throne, in the form of a dog pillow. Paige was in her own world and not fazed by any doggy drama going on at the water fountain station or the chaos at snack time. By day #3 of this same activity, I knew I raised a diva. What a joy to be a dog.
Paige slowly adjusted to camp and became more sociable after befriending a brown-haired Pomeranian named Becks. Becks and Paige were about the same size in height, 9 inches tall, and both carried the same uppity looks. Paige started enjoying daily walks and trots during recess, alongside Becks and other furry friends. Paige was appointed to line leader at recess and rewarded with a week of free transports on The PawPrint Mobile, the camp’s bus that transports dogs to and from camp each day. It was only a matter of time before Paige sprinkled her fairy pawprint dust in the air and had other pups and staff members waiting on her, hand and foot, like the V.I.P price tag she is.
Since her meals at camp consisted of organic foods, her home lifestyle mimicked the same taste palate. A few hundred dollars later, Paige’s dinner consisted of meals like steak bites, green beans, rice, with a little Kibble dog food on the side so she’ll always remember her dog food roots. Snack time was secured with packs of organic bacon, organic sausage, gluten-free beef sticks, sweet potato chews and cookie chews to last 3 months.
~
The all black, 8-seater Cadillac Limousine cruised down I-10E escorting myself and Paige, my mama, and a few relatives for Paige’s Homegoing Service. Paige sat snuggled in my lap with her head resting comfortably in the center of my chest, having the slightest clue what would be occurring in less than 1 hour. If she knew the rectangle-shaped box in the trunk was really her casket, she’d probably kick off every embellished crystal on her shoe and take off running like Speedy Gonzales.
The car ride was quiet in conversation while the radio did the talking as a variety of gospel songs sang through the speakers. I’m not sure if the driver had just come from a real funeral and forgot to change the music, but my God, those lyrics touched the fragile parts of my heart that was crying out for a peace of mind. I closed my eyes and allowed the tears to fall as Hezekiah Walker ministered to my spirit through song.
“I am Grateful for the things that you have done
Yes, I’m grateful for the victories we’ve won
I could go on and on and on about your works
Because I’m grateful, grateful, so grateful just to praise You, Lord.
Flowing from my heart
Are the issues of my heart
It’s gratefulness.”
Eyes still closed; I sat in solace realizing there was so much to be grateful for. Grateful that I was chosen to be Paige’s Mommy for 13 whole years. Grateful for the memories. Grateful she was easy to love and trusted me in return to love her.
I pondered to myself, what if… what if we had the chance to plan our goodbye’s before we departed Earth? What if we KNEW there was less than 24 hours of life remaining? There’d be a lot of apologies, forgiveness, hugs and kisses, laughter, tears and trips down memory lane. If my own mother, who was seated directly across from me, told me that my last day on Earth expires in less than 24 hours, I’d likely get on the phone and tell all my friends and family I love them one last time. I’d make one final post on social media saying my final goodbyes to all my real and virtual friends. And then I’m swinging over to my favorite restaurant to savor in one last slice of deep-dish topped with pepperoni, Italian sausage, mushrooms, and jalapenos, order a side of mozzarella sticks, and a Raspberry Lemon Drop to wash it down. Better yet, treat the entire bar to Raspberry Lemon Drops!
Imagine if we all knew the day, the hour, the minute we would be taking our last breath. What a luxury, a privilege, and a beauty, that would be.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. You learn to take the good with the bad, say I Love You’s to those you love, and you learn be kind to everyone because everyone is fighting a silent battle that isn’t highlighted on the outside.
~
The limo made a slow R turn into the parking lot as we arrived at Pets ‘N Paradise. The weather was clear skies and a light breeze causing the trees and a few power lines to sway. While looking up at the sky, the clouds were in the form of different breeds of dogs- one a Schnauzer, another appeared to be a Cocker Spaniel running and playing as his ears flapped with each hop, skip and jump, and the last pup looked as if she was laid flat on her stomach. That pup resembled how Paige would lay in the middle of the kitchen floor on a hot, 103-degree day in Texas. If God was trying to show me a sign that Paige would be at ease, He did.
Once the driver opened the door, family and friends rushed to the car for final cuddles and kisses. Paige raised her head, eyes wide, gazing at the number of cars and guests that arrived for her special day. To add a little razzle dazzle, the text message invitation asked all guests to wear pink and/or black and to arrive by 5pm. Although it was a school night for the kids and a work night for the adults, everyone showed up on time, in blushing shades of pink to send Paige off in beauty and in style. Before exiting the vehicle, we held hands as Ms. Sharon, a prayer warrior and friend of the family, led us in a prayer of comfort.
~
The clinic looked exactly like a church on the outside: full parking lot, bushes of flowers on both sides of the building, a 60-year-old tree and a round-topped door in the shape of a golden arch. The main guests and their fur babies entered through the front door; we entered through the side door which was in close proximity to our assigned room. The inside was a cool, comfortable temperature complimented by a lemony scent. Some staff members were typing at the computer while other staff were tending to the guests and a yapping Chihuahua at the front. One staff member locked eyes with my mama, who was directly in front of me, causing her to instantly jump back stepping on my right foot.
“Ouch mama!” I barked. “What’s wrong?”
“Girl, they got a damn cat in here. And the cat was walking towards me.” My mama said.
I couldn’t scrunch my lips up any harder after witnessing the same cat not displaying any signs of fear.
“Mama, the cat ain’t nowhere near you. C’mon now. That cat way over there.” I uttered back. The cat resembled a Siamese breed: short-haired, chubby body with about 3-shades of brown to her face, ears, tail and feet. The cat was at least 15 feet away and calmly seated next to one of the staff members. The kitty never moved from her floor seat, giving us a resting bitch face for walking in her establishment, acting like she’s the problem. Tuh!
We were greeted by a short, blonde-haired, Tech with the nametag Allison, the same lady from yesterday. She wore the same bright smile behind soft-spoken words and a country, Southern accent.
“Hi everyone, I’m Allison. Good to see you again, Ms. Jones” Allison said to our party of 15.
“Hi Allison.” I responded, behind an endearing smile. It was good to see a familiar face during an uneventful circumstance.
“We have Paige’s room ready for you right down the hallway in Room #2. You can bring in as many guests as you’d like and once you guys get settled, Dr. Sydney and I will be in to speak with you.” Allison said.
The windowless room was small and cold, but quickly cozied up as the warmth of family and friends gathered in. Beige paint covered the walls with health facts and framed puppy photos. Just like a regular doctor’s office, there was an examining table, handwashing sink, monitor mounted to the wall, and glass jars sitting on the counter filled with cotton balls, tongue depressors and doggy treats that smelled of homemade bacon. I took a chance on giving it one last test run by putting a treat under her nose. She looked at it and turned her head away. Her smell was gone.
Paige started to shiver so I wrapped her in a matching Chanel plush to keep her warm. Family and friends took turns passing Paige around for hugs, cuddles, and kisses. Tears filled everyone’s eyes. My mama passed out bookmarks with a picture of Paige, a wooden doghouse in the bottom corner, and a poem. The back side was the ‘Order of Service- Entrance of the Family, Prayer, and Final Viewing of the Body followed by Comforting Words.
Shortly after, Allison came back in with the doctor. “That is the cutest little dress” the doctor complimented Paige. She was also blonde-haired with a soft-spoken twang. She wore her hair pulled back into a lower ponytail, rectangular-shaped glasses with Gucci written on the side and black Nike tennis shoes. I analyzed her as she analyzed Paige. Her fit matched our parade of pink and black quite perfectly.
The family stood around as Allison held Paige’s body still while Dr. Sydney made the injections. Paige didn’t jerk or flinch and slowly relaxed her head on the side of the over-sized pillow.
“There we go, good girl.” Allison said consoling Paige.
Allison wrapped her Chanel blanket back around her wilting body and gently placed her back in my arms. Paige stretched out in my arms staring up at me with her big, beautiful, brown, round-shaped eyes. Her wooziness was equivalent to holding up a drunk friend in the middle of Bourbon Street. Like the final scene on Boyz n the Hood as Tre attempted to hold Ricky’s lifeless body.
Paige’s body weight became heavier, muscles relaxed, as her eyes veered off into Doggy Heaven.
~
The limo pulled into the driveway of my home as family, friends and neighbors arrived and made their way to the backyard for the burial and repast. I opted for an at-home burial to keep Paige near the garden, surrounded by butterflies and her favorite pink, Dahlia Waterlily’s she likes to tinkle next too.
Guests came in carrying cards and vases of flowers, others were carrying aluminum pans of food, cases of soda, wine coolers and enough packs of water bottles to share with the neighborhood during hurricane season. The menu consisted of BBQ & fried chicken, ribs, dirty rice, baked beans, macaroni & cheese, potato salad and cornbread casserole. The dessert table was covered with slices of pound cake, red velvet cake, and a marble sheet cake with Paige’s picture on top.
Uncle Willie was a Deacon turned Preacher, and the closest thing to God, led us in prayer, followed by “ashes to ashes, dust to dust.” The men lowered Paige into the ground as we placed pink stemmed roses on top. I blew Paige a kiss and shared my final goodbye to my favorite girl.
For the next 4 hours, we ate, laughed, danced, and reminisced.
Everyone gathered around the gazebo as I shared Thank You’s and expressions.
“My heart is full because Lord knows I needed every smiling face, every hug and every helping hand that walked through that door today. A misconception about pet parents is people think it’s playing dress-up, changing outfits twice on Easter, and giving out free strips of bacon for not using the bathroom in the house. Newsflash!… It’s a lot more than that. Pets are just like kids- they eat, they sleep, they shit, come with a bill, and pay ZERO bills.
You understand this form of motherhood comes with a responsibility, an unspoken agreement that you will love, train and care for your furry baby until one of you departs this Earth. I wore being a pet Mommy like a badge of honor.”
Guests listened to the remainder of the message behind tear-filled eyes as they broke out into claps and cheers. If Paige was here, she’d be at my ankles, trailing every footstep from the backyard to the front, eating any crumbs that hit the ground or got tossed into the grass.
The house had been wiped clean as my Aunt’s wasted no time boxing up any leftovers and shipping it with the guests as they left. My mama was the last one out, making sure the house was back in order. I walked into the living room, surprised to see a gorgeous shrine she put together on top of the fireplace. The shrine was compiled of greeting cards, handmade crafts, and keepsake gifts from loved ones. The photo tower in the front was a 3D photo of Paige that read: Angels don’t always have wings, Sometimes they have Paws.
Back to being a party of one, and Turning the Paige to a new chapter.
-Corrita 💛
This story is dedicated to my sister, Sister Fancy aka Nicole J., & her favorite, 4-legged girl, Sage.
March 8, 2010 – October 4, 2023
Enjoy the playlist inspired by Sage’s story, or go to Spotify & type ‘Turning the Paige‘.
-Corrita
Corrita's World 